Disappointed in Myself

Well I have been having so much to deal with lately that I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm doing bad in school. Well not too bad but I'm gettin a "C" witch I have never gotten before. It makes me so sad and I'm really disappointed in myself. I have never gotten that kind of grade before. But its my fault and no one else's. The main reason is because my mom has me working and I only get like 4 hours of sleep at night. And then my friend is having problems so I help her out in what I can.

Well know I just don't now what to do. My best friend is so much better than me. I'm not going to say I'm jealous because she deserves everything she has! But what hurts is that my parents say I should be like her. I mean come on, I want to be myself and not someone I'm not. Jessica aka my best friend looks good, has a boyfriend, gets good grades, has brothers that she always wanted, has good parents, and is just a really nice person you can easily get along with. Well, it hurts me because now all my older brother calls me for is to see how Jessica is doing, he never calls now to see how I'm doing anymore. My parents, like I said, want me to be like her, like to dress all girly. I know I'm a girl but I'm more into jeands and a t-shirt. But sometimes I do have my days and I am all girly but thats rare. And Jessica is mostly all the time girly and my mom wants me to dress like her. I tell her, mom I'm going to dress the way I want to and plus I don't have a good looking body like Jessica. She looks good and I don't so stop saying that. The other day on Sunday my dad didn't work for like the first time in a million. So he wanted to take me and my brothers out to the park and then he spilled the beans by saying call Jesscia so she can go with us. I mean WTF!! Now it's all about Jessica. It's not no more Vanessa. Jessica this Jessica that. I honestly am proud of myself, but I feel like everyone around me isn't anymore and they want me to become Jessica. I'm me and thats the bottom line. I'm not going to pretend to be something that I'm not. All this just makes me go into tears and it hurts because no one is proud of who I am anymore.

Another problem is about school again, about my schedule for next year. Me and Jessica want to have all of our classes together, so we had almost everything the same. But since we're bilingual we take Spanish AP and want to take Air Force JROTC for next year. But then our spanish teacher told her not to waste her time by taking that class becuase she was going to go to college and she can major Spanish. So now she has decided not to take it. So I'm like ok wtf. We agreed on somehing and now she's ranking out on me! She always does this. I have never failed her and look at what she has failed me on. I want to join the Air Force, and she knows that and that going to the Air Force means a lot to me. And my school just started giving the JROTC classes this year. So I was going to join it second semester but she's like no wait for me so we can take it next year. So I told her ok. And honestly I need to take the JROTC so I can get my points and be ahead in the real Air Force. But now she has done this, if I knew she was going to rank out on me like this I would be taking the JROTC program right now and not be wasting my time. But its too late now because my counsler will get mad at me once again because I have changed my schedule so many times already because of who!?!? Jessica. I understand the other times she has ranked out on me but this really does mean a lot to me and I know she knows that becuase I told her! She has really failed me big time!!

Now everything has gone wrong and I don't know what to do anymore. :'( And now I just feel like giving up on everything because it just doesn't have a meaning to it anymore.